Always, somehow, I schedule time to see my son and his family at the end of my journey. If I’m feeling charitable, I’d say it’s because I want to get everything off my plate, so I can throw my whole heart into visiting him without distraction. But that’s silly, I’d also say, because I throw myself into visiting him as whole as I can, and still, something always distracts me.
This time, he and his brother have been up for burying me in pillows while I (pretend to) sleep. The conversation’s been mostly “unnnnnh”s and “Oh, you’re so strong!”s—perfect for my very-tired brain’s very tired immediate recall abilities.
I’m James’s birthfather. We all live in a very open adoption. I’ll let you guess which one came from me. Today we take actual family portraits, the first with me in them. It’s really exciting and a little weird, like everything on this unpaved road.